Let’s talk about imposter syndrome and mental health.
This month I genuinely started to struggle with it.
Despite starting the month off strong with a great PGR supervision meeting with both my supervisors. I started to feel like I didn’t know what I was doing enough to be here and that I had everyone fooled that I did. Imposter syndrome started setting in and I feel like this will have to be something I tackle and smack back throughout my studies.
I went to Paris at the beginning of the month to say goodbye to two of my dear friends before they jetted off around the world for 2 years. It was beautiful to finally visit Paris, something that has been on my bucketlist for many years. It was absolutely beautiful and I had so many moments I absolutely loved.
Unfortunately, on one occasion I was followed and intimidated by a man who did not accept I did not want his affections and it through my confidence in my ability to stay safe when travelling alone. This is because I did not realise he was right behind me as I was navigating my way around the neighbourhood my hotel was in and froze as he intimidated me into giving him my number (he actually took my phone out of my hand, put his number into my phone and called it). He insisted I met him later and I declined repeatedly, he was working in a shop a few doors down from my hotel and I am only lucky he didn’t see where I was staying. I went back to my hotel, blocked his number and tried to shake off the experience, I slept past the time he wanted me to meet him at his shop and instead got ready to visit the Moulin Rouge later in the evening.
Sometimes, I forget how vulnerable we can be and this massively impacted my mental health due to being in a violent and controlling relationship prior to university. I managed to pull out loads of moments of enjoyment out of the following few days and really enjoyed seeing my friend.
After coming back from Paris, I struggled to sleep and fell ill ultimately resulting in an asthma attack and a very unproductive month for me as I struggled to get a hang on things.
Going into my 12th month, this was not what I wanted to feel like. I sought some help and guidance from doctors to control this new spate of anxiety.
In happier news, I watch Crazy Rich Asians at the cinemas and absolutely loved it. The film is well needed in this time and age and massively overdue. I’m so glad that it’s been so wildly loved and accepted by the masses. We went to see it twice! It will be one of those films in my tiny DVD collection later.